Bite Me

I have a thing for vampires, this is no secret. The fangs, the biting, the immortality. That’s one sexy combo. It helps that lady vampires are being portrayed right now on screen – both big and small – by some very attractive actresses. So with Halloween approaching, I thought we’d pay tribute to these toothsome talents. But why mindlessly ogle when you can make it a cutthroat competition? Let’s sink our teeth into the beautiful bloodsuckers from the three biggest vampire series out currently (“True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and the “Twilight” saga) and see which group tastes the best.

TRUE BLOOD

PamHot, blonde and into chicks.

Sophie-AnneHot, ginger and into chicks.

JessicaHot, ginger and not into chicks, but I would happily spend an eternity trying to convert her.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

KatherineEvil, but has a good doppelganger so, you know, kind of the best of both worlds.

CarolineI like her so much better as a vampire than a human, is that wrong?

IsobelWe all knew Jenny Schecter was a vampire already, this is just more upfront about it.

TWILIGHT

Esme and Alice CullenDoes the fact that they’re not really mother and daughter makes it any less creepy that I think they make a nice looking couple? OK, still no.

RosalieI’m just going to say it, I don’t like Nikki Reed as a blonde.

JaneDoes the fact that her character is, like, 1,000 years old make it any less creepy that she is actually 16? OK, still no.

So, which lady vamps do it for you? Who sucks the least, figuratively? Or the most, literally? Yes, I know I went there with all the bad puns. Bite me.