Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Tuesdays. People always complain about Mondays, what with it being the first day of the week and on Garfield’s mug and all. But Tuesdays, Tuesdays are the real killer. Tuesdays are still too many days away from Friday, but without the excusable grumpiness cache that Monday carries. Plus, all the really boring meetings happen on Tuesdays because managers figure everyone who calls in “sick” on Mondays should actually be in by then. Hell, Tuesdays even make Charlize Theron scream – and not in the good way. So that, that’s why we must fight back the Tuesdays with everything we have. Some use a gun, others a sword. I, of course, never come armed without the best Tuesday killer possible: tank tops. Just doing my part, folks. Just doing my part.

Naomi WattsI can’t tell if I’m more impressed by the tank, the shoes or this pose. So I’m going to answer, “Yes.”

Thora BirchWhere’d she go? And wherever she went, I hope she’s still a redhead.

Scarlett JohanssonIf all her contracts don’t have a tank top clause, they should.

Aubrey PlazaAre you still not watching “Parks & Recreation” yet? Don’t make me scold you again.

Maggie QFine, this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it’s got straps and fabric down the front, so I’m claiming it.

Padma LakshmiI miss “Top Chef” so much. And by “Top Chef,” I mean “Padma.”

Gwyneth PaltrowI miss her on “Glee,” too. But on the plus side, perhaps this means fewer Mr. Shue storylines.

Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, Laurel HollomanOK, I miss them most of all. Not the storylines, per se, just them.

Sara RamirezDo you know how hard it is to find a picture of Sara in a tank top? I give and I give, Internet.

Right, so I think it’s safe to say we totally kicked Tuesday’s ass.

Tank Top Tuesday: TV Time

Between the return of winter TV and the start of pilot season, so much has happened that I think we’re going to need to review the revised landscape with clear-eyed, in-depth, critical analysis. In other words, we’re going to review it with tank top.

Sarah Michelle GellarSMG is coming back to TV. If that doesn’t get you excited check your pulse. If you don’t have a pulse, look out for SMG because she may be coming to stake you. Old habits die hard.

Minka KellyShe’s one of the new Angels on the “Charlie’s Angels” reboot. If the show is a hit, will boyfriend Derek Jeter start playing for Anaheim as a show of solidarity?

Adrianne PalickiPeople agree on two things when it comes to David E. Kelley’s new “Wonder Woman” series. 1) They love Adrianne’s casting as Wonder Woman. 2) They hate the pilot script with a fiery passion.

Zooey DeschanelShe is going to star in a pilot for a project that had the working title “Chicks and Dicks.” It’s hard to think of a title with less appeal to gay ladies, unless you called it “Dicks and Dicks,” but then it’d be a reality show on Logo and I’d totally watch that with several cocktails and my best gays.

Laura PreponI really liked her better as a redhead. But then I guess you have to embrace the peroxide to play Chelsea Handler, and the vodka.

Anna TorvFringe is now on Friday, but mostly I just wanted to post her holding this gun. Mmmm.

Jennifer Beals“The Chicago Code” broke out the white tank top for the very first episode. It’s blatant pandering to the lesbians, and we like it.

Sarah Shahi“Fairly Legal” isn’t a great TV show or anything. But it’s fun and Sarah has showed up in her underwear. So, you know, sold.

Caroline DhavernasI stopped watching “Off the Map” for the same reasons I don’t watch “Grey’s Anatomy.” Doctors with personal problems (with or without borders) just aren’t my thing. But I still love you, Jaye Tyler.

Sofia VergaraNothing new is happening with “Modern Family,” but when you have a chance to post a picture like this, you take it.

So, what new TV pilot or show has your temperature rising. And, remember, please phrase your answer in the form of a tank top.

Tank Top Tuesday: Oscars Edition

Let’s not pretend the best actress Oscar race is anything but an all-out, steel-cage deathmatch between Natalie Portman and Annette Bening. All the nominees are great, but come on, those two are the battle royal. Actually, it’s nice to have a tight race instead of a presumptive frontrunner blow-out. And these two actresses really acted their asses off last year. But, in the interest of recognizing all of the lovely ladies who were nominated today, please enjoy this very special Top Thespian Tank Top Tuesday. Being nominated for an Academy Award is rewarding and all, but looking great in a tank top is its own reward.

BEST ACTRESS

Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”I bet Natalie Portman never, ever thought she’d be able to say, “In the last year I shagged both Jackie and Kelso from ‘That 70s Show.’”

Annette Bening, “The Kids Are All Right”Still courting the gay vote with her lesbian hair and chunky glasses, I see.

Nicole Kidman, “Rabbit Hole”Now that she is no longer using Botox, three cheers for the imminent return of emotions to Nicole’s forehead.

Michelle Williams, “Blue Valentine”Take that, Katie Holmes.

Jennifer Lawrence, “Winter’s Bone”The best thing Bill Engvall has ever contributed to society.


BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Hailee Steinfeld, “True Grit”This isn’t a tank top, but Hailee is 14 so I’m not going to go there.

Helena Bonham Carter, “The King’s Speech”Every time I abbreviate HBC, I “accidentally” slip in an “I” before the “C.” It’s really more appropriate that way, don’t you think?


Jacki Weaver, “Animal Kingdom”Her nickname in the film was “Smurf,” that’s so awesome I won’t even quibble that she refused to take her overshirt off.

Melissa Leo, “The Fighter”Remember when she played Helena’s ex on “The L Word?” Remember when Helena had children?

Amy Adams, “The Fighter”Even if you weren’t adorably and winsome, Amy, we’d still love you forever for that lesbian scene in “Standing Still.”

Tank Top Tuesday

Wow, almost another whole year is in the history books. As with every end of the year, I tend to get a little retrospective. But instead of just reflecting on the historic and personal milestones for the year, I like to think about what really matters – tank tops. Or, more specifically, the women I failed to feature throughout the year in tank tops. I only have a few days left to right this terrible wrong. But, you know what they say, better late than never having Naomi Watts waiting for you in a tank top, fedora and wingtips on the kitchen counter.

Freida PintoShe has been MIA since “Slumdog Millionaire,” but we’ll see that beautiful face back on screen where it belongs next year.

Margaret ChoGetting bounced off “Dancing with the Stars” early was actually a good thing. The less you’re around a Palin, the better for your mental health.

Maggie SiffI’m not into biker gangs, but suddenly I can see the appeal.

Molly RingwaldI think I speak for all children of the 80s when I say, damn girl.

Catherine BellOn second thought, I think I like her out of uniform better.

Olivia WilliamsOh, “Dollhouse,” if only you’d been given a chance.

Rashida JonesI know, I know – I can’t shut up about how happy I am “Parks & Recreation” is coming back.

Natalie PortmanI know, I know – I also can’t shut up about how great “Black Swan” is.

Jessica AlbaThis picture is so hot I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in 32 states.

Whew, now on to 2011.

Tank Top Tuesday: Country Gals

I won’t lie, I’m not much for country music – particularly contemporary country music. I grew up in an area where a large chunk the school listened to country music with Skoal rings in their back pockets. And most of those folks wanted little to do with the nerdy little Asian girl with glasses. So, no, there are no “Nothing runs like a Deere” caps in my closet. But now, thanks to the great healers known as time and distances, I can appreciate that other people may love and enjoy country music. Sure, the only contemporary country on my iPod right now is the copy of Chely Wright’s “Lifted Off the Ground” out of lesbo solidarity. But thanks to country gals’ penchant for tight jeans and even tighter tank tops, I totally understand how many a gay gal could swoon.

Jennifer NettlesToo bad she didn’t bring along former Sugarland member and gay lady Kristen Hall for tank top support.

Carrie UnderwoodA girl, a dog and a tank top. God bless America.

Hillary ScottThank you for the tank top. Please stop making my radio station play “I Need You Now.”

Taylor SwiftI actually interviewed her a couple of years ago and she was lovely and gracious and composed. So she can spin whatever fairytale she wants in my book.

Miranda LambertWhen her set came up at Lilith Faire, I took a beer break. Instead I ended up glued to the big screen from the bar ‘cause darn it if that gal didn’t have tons of spunk.

Faith HillRemember when she told a fan not to grab her husband Tim McGraw’s junk from the stage? Good times.

Natalie MainesDude, with that haircut and that tattoo and that tank top it’s like a five-alarm gaydar fire up in here.

Gretchen WilsonRedneck women ride big-ass bikes.

Reba McEntireWristcuffs? Now they’re just taunting us.

Shania TwainWhat? I’m sorry, was I saying something about not liking country? I couldn’t remember on account of the passing out.