A $140,000 kiss is just a kiss

So, here’s a good hypothetical: Is a kiss with Charlize Theron worth $140,000? Well, that depends. Tongue or no tongue? I kid, I kid. Tongue is an extra $100,000. Of course, we don’t actually have to guess whether the smooch was worth the smackeroos. Instead we can just ask the lady in the green tights who actually paid $140,000 to kiss Charlize (OK, there was also a trip to South Africa that included World Cup tickets, a safari and a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela included…but whatever everyone knows it was all about the kiss).

The kiss was part of a celebrity auction for ONEXONE, a charity that provides water, food, medicine, education and play to impoverished children around the world. The bidding was originally just for the trip and accoutrement but then Jeremy Piven got $280,000 for his auction item and Charlize raised the stakes. I mean, who wants to lose out to Jeremy Piven? So instead of just fetching $37,000, Charlize netted $140,000. Which is all fine and good and lovely. (No, really, I mean it. Yay, do goodery!) But, seriously, that kiss.

The fantastic things about it are many, but here are the Top Five.

1. It wasn’t a gay event, yet Charlize was totally unfazed by a lady winning the bid.
2. The lady in the green tights (anyone know her name, by the way?) totally went for a dip not once, but twice.
3. The kiss was so long I think Charlize had to pause for air.
4. The joint leg lifts.
5. With any luck this will encourage more stars to auction off kisses to eager lesbians everywhere.

Actually, I think Charlize may have stumbled upon an untapped goldmine. How many lesbian and bisexual women (heck, straight girls, too) wouldn’t sell a kidney to kiss their celebrity crush? I mean, just think of the loot Olivia Wilde or Sara Ramirez or Jennifer Beals or Lena Headey or Tina Fey could raise for some worthy cause if they went to a GLBT event and auctioned off a lip-lock? But don’t even think of outbidding me on Tina. I’m already looking into the going rate for kidneys. What? I’ve got two. And it is, after all, for charity.