Weekend juggling act

Whew, kittens, I had kind of an exhausting weekend. Not exhausting like I was productive or industrious. But exhausting like I stayed up until 6 a.m. reading Tina Fey’s “Bossypants” from cover to cover Friday night. (It was very funny and insightful and only continued to prove I picked the best possible Fake TV Wife.) Then I did my taxes Saturday night. (OK, that was kind of productive, but only in a sweaty palmed procrastinator’s panic kind of way.) Then I watched the first six episodes of the first season of “True Blood” On Demand because doing my taxes got me all wired. (I’m glad I started the show watching the second season last year, because if I started with the first I’m not sure I would have stuck around for the second.) Then that next day I sat out in the backyard doing a whole lot of nothing and broke out the grill for the first time this season. (That first barbecued burger of the year is inexplicably delicious, apologies to my vegetarian and vegan friends.) And then Sunday night I watched “The Killing” (still excellent), “Firefly” (still fun) and the premiere of “Game of Thrones” (impressive, but I’m not entirely engaged yet. Also, holy crap, it’s like the poster child for fucked up brother-sister relationships.) And then, because I hadn’t been quite sedentary enough, I watched the last six episodes of the first season of “True Blood. (Sookie is annoying – there, I said it.) So this morning, please believe me when I say this clip of Ellen Page juggling two oranges and a grapefruit is all I could muster. Those she’s so adorable, I kind of don’t even feel that exhausted anymore.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Tie Me Up Edition

Who doesn’t love to tie one on? A necktie, people, a necktie. Sheesh, bunch of drunks here. As a kid, I loved ties. My father rarely wore them, so when he did we knew it was a special occasion. That, of course, led to their mystique. I had a few hand-me downs my dad gave me to play dress up with. In fact, one of my favorite things to do was to wear one of my dad’s old 60s Lord & Taylor suit jackets (slim-cut, so they almost fit), slick my hair back and put on a tie. Geez, and you wonder why it took me forever to figure out The Gay. I haven’t worn one in a while. But with lovely ladies like Katharine Hepburn as inspiration, perhaps it’s time to give it another try. Now, who wants to show me how to tie a Windsor knot again?

Ellen PageI looked a little like her swimming in my suits back in the day.

Gillian AndersonShe looks a little like she is auditioning for “The Office.” Oooh, maybe she can be the new Michael Scott.

Hilary SwankGod, she makes a handsome boy, doesn’t she?

Janelle MonaeIt is one of my greatest wishes that Janelle will help usher in a trend of women in beautifully cut tuxedos.

Kirsten DunstTaking ties off can be as fun as putting them on. Sometimes more.

Emma ThompsonI believe the word you’re looking for here is rawwwr.
[Hat tip, babsf!]

Clara BowThe It Girl in a tie and suspenders. Now we know what “It” was.

Ingrid BergmanIngrid in that tie is totally worth more than a hill of beans.

Marlene DietrichNo Gender Fuck Thursday is truly complete without her. Period.

Looking for a little action, ladies?

I’m in kind of a tough girl phase right now. Well, it’s not really a phase. I mean, we can’t help who we like, right? I’m really feeling the lady bad asses. Perhaps it was “Salt,” which I enjoyed immensely. Angelina once famously said she wanted to be Bond, not a Bond girl and boy did she ever deliver. Asses kicked, not stirred. The ERA of action has been long overdue. Sure, we’ve had the Founding Mothers of Bad Assery: Sigourney, Linda, Action Angie. But there’s always room for more. So let’s take a look at some recent contenders.

Now, I have no idea what is happening in this trailer for “Sucker Punch.” Young women in crazy school girl outfits going all Mortal Kombat on an assortment of baddies (Samurai soldiers, Nazis, dragons!). I think it has something to do with a girl being taken to an insane asylum to be lobotomized. But plot schmot, who wants some eye candy?

[Hat tip, Ellen!]

Now, what this next clip lacks in special effects, it more than makes up with literary pedigree. If this gets made into a movie I demand Kiera Knightley and Kate Winslet star, with Emma Thompson in a supervisory role. Referee, perhaps? And, FIGHT!

And, finally, this clip involves no fisticuffs, automatic weapons or heavy artillery. But just listen to Ellen Page’s answer to the question: Who would you like to perform Inception on? Now that’s a bad ass.

You don’t have to use your fists to be tough, ladies. Your brain will do just fine.

Three makes a (very gay) trend

There is an unwritten tenet of journalism, universally regarded as scientific fact, that three makes a trend. Three occurrences of any natural, unnatural, man-made, woman-made, mammalian, reptilian, Brazilian, technological, evangelical or celestial events signal a shift in the universe and is therefore worth reporting on. Ask any journalist friend, she’ll tell you. So imagine my joy when the blessed triumvirate landed on my second favorite gay trend: An actress playing gay. (p.s. The first is, naturally, a celebrity actually coming out as gay.) In the past few weeks not one, not two but the magical THREE actresses have signed on to play gay. They are: Emily Deschanel, Linda Hamilton and Ellen Page. Friendly straight friends who visit this blog, that sound you hear is the slow, primal growl of gay ladies everywhere imagining the possibilities. So which role is the most promising? Let’s dissect.

Emily Deschanel

Emily will star in the new flick “The Perfect Family,” alongside Kathleen Turner, Jason Ritter, Michael McGrady and Richard Chamberlain. The story chronicles a devout Catholic mother and wife (played by Turner) who is trying to prove she has a “Perfect family” after she has been nominated for the church’s top award. According to Variety, Emily plays her daughter, a successful lawyer, closeted lesbian who is five months pregnant and “struggles when it comes time to telling her mother the truth.” Now, straight friends, that groan you hear is the sound of thousands of lesbians screaming “NOT ANOTHER PREGNANT LESBIAN STORYLINE!” Still, it’s the gorgeous Emily Deschanel playing a lesbian. So I will grumble yet still buy a ticket.

Linda Hamilton

Linda will join the cast of Showtime’s “Weeds” for a multi-episode stint this season as a lesbian. According to Entertainment Weekly, Linda will play “an eco-conscious marijuana grower who, along with her life partner Fiona, helps Nancy 's endeavors in Seattle take bloom.” Sarah Connor as a pothead lesbian? Yes, please – especially if she single-armedly cocks a shotgun at least once during her story arc. Hey, it could happen, just because you’re eco-friendly doesn’t mean you won’t defend your marijuana crop from marauding rivals by any means necessary. Now I’m just dying to know who plays her life partner Fiona. As long as Showtime seems to be in the business of wish fulfillment, how about Lena Headey? The two Sarah Connors together at last. Hey, don’t judge me – I’m a dreamer.

Ellen Page

The long (LONG) gestating feature film adaptation of the Oscar-winning documentary “Freeheld” is finally moving forward with Ellen Page starring in the true story of a terminally-ill lesbian's struggle to pass her pension benefits to her partner, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Ellen would play Stacie Andree, the partner to New Jersey police detective Laurel Hester who successfully sued the department to win survivor benefits after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This has the potential to be the biggest, most impactful of all the roles. It’s also getting a big boost from Oscar-nominated “Philadelphia” scribe Ron Nyswaner, who is writing the screenplay. Having such a talented young star agree to star in such a powerful, real-life story about the struggle gays and lesbians face to get equal rights is, in a word, HUGE. My hopes for this project could not be higher. And I’m already stocking up on Kleenex to hold back the inevitable waterworks this production will inspire.

So, which role has you most excited? And now that having A-List actresses play gay is a bona fide trend, who should be next? Hello, Tina Fey. She turned 40 yesterday. What better way to celebrate that milestone than by getting it on with the ladies? Like I said, I’m a dreamer.

Paging Ellen

So, how did our little Homeskillet become a pitchwoman while no one was looking? The more I’ve seen of Ellen Page shilling for Cisco Systems, the more I’m perplexed. Who knew deadpan irony sold information technology specialization expertise?

Now, when I first saw Ellen pop up in a Cisco ad back in early November, I thought it was perhaps a one-off thing. The ad coincided with a rather clever product placement in “30 Rock” as Jack videoconferences on – what else – a Cisco system. But more ads keep popping up and there Ellen is on the Cisco homepage looking relaxed with a dog and the supreme confidence in “the human network.” Whatever that means.

Her series of ads (three so far) are actually sort of funny in WTF-is-that-Ellen-Page kind of way. I’ll post them chronologically, because I think they get better (or possibly Ellen just gets cuter) as they go along.

Also, did you know Lunenburg, Nova Scotia is a real place? I wonder if the whole town got networked flat screens courtesy of Cisco. Now that, that would be something to sell out for.

Look, actors and actresses lending their names, faces and talents to sell products is nothing new. But I’m slightly befuddled at some of the recent moves. Like, how is Luke Wilson looking a little paunchy and possibly lost for AT&T a good career move? The thing is, these endorsements have usually been limited to a certain sort of celebrity – the mega stars or zeitgeist sirens. Think Catherine Zeta Jones, Ashton Kutcher and Kim Kardashian-Paris Hilton-thenextbigwhatchmacalllitgirl.But now the indie and – I say this with as little snobbery as possible – credible actors are entering the fray. It’s disorienting.

Not that I’m necessarily complaining. Anything that brings a cutie like Ellen into my living room more is welcome, I suppose. I just never guessed that one day she would be the cheese to my teleconferencing macaroni.

Vacation Vixen: Ellen Page

I can’t roll my tongue. It’s one of my great disappointments in life.

Oh, Canada

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! OK, so I’m a day late. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still raise a glass of Canadian Club in celebration of my neighbors to the north. In fact, everyone knows Thanksgiving dinner is better the second day. Mmmm, leftovers. And when the leftovers include Ellen Page in a Soylent Green moment, well, someone please pass the gravy.

The video is another collaboration with singer/comic Har Mar Superstar. He previously starred with Ellen and her “Whip It” co-star Alia Shawkat in that “Don’t Stop Believin’” video featuring really bad singing and really awesome push-ups from earlier this summer. And now, cannibalism.

Also, I had no idea they had Canadian versions of popular young adult fiction. Gosh, you just learn something new every day. Thanks, Canada.

Also, fuck youuuu, Celine Dion!

Dog day afternoon

Doggone it, you knew this was coming. After a day of nothing but cat calls, I’ve had to let the dogs out (yes, forgive me, I went there). I had dogs all while growing up. In fact, until I got a cat I considered myself strictly a dog person. So I know that special, unspoken bond between a girl and her dog. Sure, dogs may be man’s best friend, but they’re a woman’s best friend forever. Who’s a good dog? Who is? Who is?

Kate Moennig & FloydVenus Williams & HaroldKatee Sackhoff & MeatballHilary Swank & Karu & friendsLisa Edelstein & Wolf EAmy Adams & Pippy & SadieZooey and Emily Deschanel & KatrinaEllen Page & Patti (*yes, named after Smith)Christiane Amanpour & her newshoundJordana Brewster & one lucky puppyAli Larter & two really, really lucky puppiesGlenn Close & her blogging puppies Jake & BillDid you know Scribegrrrl is practically BFFs with Glenn and her pups? Well, now you do.