Vacation Vixen: Janelle Monae

I would like, at some point in my life, to be half as cool as Ms. Monae.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Red Carpet Attire

So in the last week or so I’ve noticed a lot of ladies showing up on the red carpet in full men’s wear. I’m not talking just a petite blazer over a pencil skirt, but a real formal suit. Obviously, I’m all for this. And, being driven by the unwavering pursuit of scientific excellence, my next step was naturally to conduct my own thorough research into this phenomena. And because no scientific finding can be verified without a thorough peer review, I present my findings to you. If science was always like this in high school, I would have become a nuclear physicist.

Leighton MeesterThis is a full-on traditional men’s suit. I approve.

Olivia WildeThis is a full-on traditional 80s suit. I disapprove.

Winona RyderThis looks like she stole it from Marilyn Manson’s closet. But, it’s Noni and she does an amazing job with her small but crucial part in “Black Swan.” So, um, forgiven.

Jane LynchThis looks like she stole it from the set of “Night at the Roxbury.” But, it’s Jane fucking Lynch. So, forgiven forever.

Julianne MooreFifty is the new OMFGHOWHOTISTHAT?

Christina HendricksThat thump you just heard was the sound of lesbians everywhere hitting the floor after passing out.

Diane KeatonLadies look good in white suits, too. Usually, better than men.

Janelle MonaeSometimes a lot better than men.

Tilda SwintonSometimes there is no gender, only Tilda Swinton.

Ellen DeGeneresHell, Ellen doesn’t even need a suit jacket. She already has the most beautiful life-size boutonniere you could ever want.

I think all these lovely ladies may have blinded me a little with their science. While I try to regain sight, tell me which of these specimens you find the finest. Science, it’s irrefutable.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Dude, I have been all serious issues are serious with my posts this week. I blame the switch to Daylight Savings Time. Dark skies, dark thoughts. So, I think it’s time again for a little unapologetic (yet respectful and, um, empowering) objectification. And you know my absolute favorite thing to objectify after Tina Fey and women in tank tops? Yep, ladies in suits. Those sharp tailored lines against those gentle swooping curves is just too delicious to ignore for too long. In fact, I feel terribly remiss for not having posted a GFT since, gasp, September. And here we are entering into the winter months and everything. So grab a nice warm jacket, preferably with a lady still inside it, and let’s wrap ourselves in some happy. P.S. If she has a kick-ass wristcuff like Isabelle Huppert above, all the better.

Evan Rachel WoodNormally I would always recommend wearing pants with your jacket, but not today.

Aubrey Plaza“Parks & Recreation” finally returns to NBC at 9:30pm Jan. 20, followed by “30 Rock” at 10pm. Amy & Tina are together again, plus more April, more Ron and more Pawnee! Whee!

Winona RyderIf you had a crush on Winona in the 90s and you know it, clap your hands.

Janelle MonaeIf I looked this good in a tux, I’d wear one every day, too.

Jennifer Jason LeighHey, Leighton and Minka, you’ve got nothing on this Single White Female (even though I don’t think she is actually single, but that ruins the joke).

Tilda SwintonObligatory.

Katharine HepburnEven more obligatory.

Wool suit season, welcome back.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Tie Me Up Edition

Who doesn’t love to tie one on? A necktie, people, a necktie. Sheesh, bunch of drunks here. As a kid, I loved ties. My father rarely wore them, so when he did we knew it was a special occasion. That, of course, led to their mystique. I had a few hand-me downs my dad gave me to play dress up with. In fact, one of my favorite things to do was to wear one of my dad’s old 60s Lord & Taylor suit jackets (slim-cut, so they almost fit), slick my hair back and put on a tie. Geez, and you wonder why it took me forever to figure out The Gay. I haven’t worn one in a while. But with lovely ladies like Katharine Hepburn as inspiration, perhaps it’s time to give it another try. Now, who wants to show me how to tie a Windsor knot again?

Ellen PageI looked a little like her swimming in my suits back in the day.

Gillian AndersonShe looks a little like she is auditioning for “The Office.” Oooh, maybe she can be the new Michael Scott.

Hilary SwankGod, she makes a handsome boy, doesn’t she?

Janelle MonaeIt is one of my greatest wishes that Janelle will help usher in a trend of women in beautifully cut tuxedos.

Kirsten DunstTaking ties off can be as fun as putting them on. Sometimes more.

Emma ThompsonI believe the word you’re looking for here is rawwwr.
[Hat tip, babsf!]

Clara BowThe It Girl in a tie and suspenders. Now we know what “It” was.

Ingrid BergmanIngrid in that tie is totally worth more than a hill of beans.

Marlene DietrichNo Gender Fuck Thursday is truly complete without her. Period.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Beyoncé may have emphatically sung about going “to the left, to the left,” but today is all about the right. No, not the state of being correct or, banish the thought, the political affiliation. I’m talking about the actual physical direction. As in turn to your right. Your other right, Brittany. Hey, not all the themes are deep. But they are hot. So without further ado, all righty then.

Piper Perabo
Monica Bellucci
Dita Von Teese
Janelle Monáe
Tilda Swinton
Kelly Clarkson
Katharine Hepburn
Juliette LewisWell, there’s always a contrarian.

p.s. Hey, tumblesbians. I’m always extremely, extremely flattered when you post my pictures. But, if possible, please provide a link back. Consider it old-school reblogging. In keeping with today’s theme, it’s just the right thing to do. Merci buckets.

My Weekend Crush

So yesterday was one of those days. Work had me running around like that proverbial chicken with its equally proverbial (simmer down, PETA) head cut off. A rock flew up when the lawn guy was mowing and shattered the picture window in my living room. And my interpersonal relationships of almost all stripes were, to put it mildly, strained. You know, one of those days. So then, after a cocktail (or two, or three...) and an appropriate amount of time cursing the gods of fate, I decided to try a little music to soothe the savage beast that was my soul. But not just any music, new Janelle Monáe music.

If by chance you haven’t heard of Janelle Monáe, then it is my distinct privilege to introduce her to you. And if you have heard of her already, can I get an “Amen!” The magnificent Ms. Monáe released her major label debut, “The ArchAndroid,” this week. The sweepingly ambitious undertaking is a fusion of almost everything good – soul, funk, pop, jazz, big band, hip hop, science, fiction, fantasy, passion, love, beauty, joy. She is at once a studious throwback and yet entirely fresh. Her new album’s first single, “Tightrope,” is the very definition of infectious. And then there’s the video, where Janelle moves her feet in ways my feet only dream of moving in their best, wildest, craziest dreams. Add that all in with her look – that Dietrich-inspired tuxedo, that architecturally impossible pompadour, that impeccably audacious swagger – and you have a force so irresistible that no matter how bad your day was your soul will want to dance. So dance I did. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. In case you were wondering, the lady can kill it live, too.