Black market

So by now you may have already heard that Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis are going to be in a movie together. You may have already heard that Natalie and Mila play ballerinas. And you may have already heard that Natalie and Mila have sex. OK, OK – at this point those of you who had not heard any of the aforementioned news probably have some questions, several even. Let’s back up. There is this script for a movie being made and, as can happen in this day and age, the script has leaked and, as always happens in this day and age, someone has posted their thoughts about it on the internet.

The movie, “Black Swan,” revolves around Nina (Natalie), a talented dancer in the New York City Ballet who is being primed for the lead role of the Swan Queen in “Swan Lake,” now that the company’s prima ballerina is retiring. But the company director doubts that she has a dark enough side to be able to play both the white and black swans that the role demands. So as she searches for her dark side she keeps seeing Lily (Mila), a girl who at times looks just like her but acts the exact opposite of her. Is it all in her head? Have I mentioned the director is Darren Aronofsky, the man behind “Requiem for a Dream,” “The Fountain,” “The Wrestler” and married to Rachel Weisz – lucky bastard.

Right, so at this point you’re thinking, “Jesus, Snarker. Like 200 fucking words have passed since you said “Natalie” and “Mila” and “sex” in the same sentence. Stop leaving me hanging!” This is what I know about the sex:

It’s “not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We're talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex.”

Has your brain stopped working altogether? Are you painting a “hungry, aggressive, angry” mental picture? Yeah – I did, too. But, and bloody hell there is always a but, once my brain started working again I started to wonder.

Particularly, I’m wondering about the “ecstasy-induced” part. Far be it for me to denigrate a good lesbian sex scene. There are so few of them we pretty much will take whatever we can get. But, once again, my joy at the joy of two women together is tempered by the fact that it is chemically enhanced. It’s the cinematic cousin to every drunken sorority girls’ hook up filmed for the fraternity boys’ enjoyment. And that is in no way good lesbian sex.

Also (more, and more disturbing, spoilers ahead) there is a rape scene in the film involving Nina and the company director. That is definitely not something I am excited about seeing, or want to see at all.

Of course, none of this means I think this is or will be a bad movie. In fact, given the talent in front of and behind the camera, it sounds like it might be a very good movie. But context being what it is, the coupling doesn’t bring the same salacious anticipation I had at first.

And then, well, then there’s the other part of my brain that is screaming, “Shut up, you damn nerd. Natalie and Mila are going to be naked. Together. What is wrong with you?” Good question.