Vacation Vixen: Beyoncé

Beyoncé’s thighs should be registered as a national treasure.

Keeping abreast

Hey, hey. My words. They’re up here. OK, so, yesterday my thought process went like this: “Write many things and then spruce them up with some pretty pictures.” But today, I know better. Today I’m going to stop fighting it and reverse the equation. Why? Because it’s 10 days until Christmas (or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, a nice long weekend). I think we all deserve to turn off our brains a bit. And, as evolution would have it, my theme for today’s post has a habit of turning off brains anyway. I’ll freely admit, I’m not really a breast gal. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’ve nice – no, really nice. But I can usually still make steady eye contact with a lady in spite her really nice rack. Not that I don’t enjoy a peek now and then. There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, it would be a pity to not stare at these. [Though your work might think otherwise, so tastefully – that means no nip – NSFW.]

Scarlett JohanssonSo she is single now. So, you know – hey, girl.

Christina HendricksLike I could leave her off this list. Pshaw.

Anna FrielSize doesn’t matter.

Julianne MooreI can’t say this enough: This woman is FIFTY.

BeyoncéIt’s kind of not fair being both bootylicious and boobylicious.

Anne HathawayAnne is totally laughing at my boobylicious joke.

Dita von TeeseMatching one’s cleavage to one’s jacket is truly a lost art form.

RihannaIf she really was the only girl in the world, that would be a shame because we wouldn’t be able to look at her.

Blake LivelyIs it just me, or does that look uncomfortable?

Salma HayekWhen she arrives to vacation on small South Pacific islands the villagers always notice an abrupt change in the tidal patterns which subsist immediately after she leaves once again. They have yet to determine what is causing the additional orbital pull. Ahem.

Lynda Carter/Wonder WomanThe Wonder Boobs were responsible for untold numbers of nascent lesbian experiences.

Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Beyoncé may have emphatically sung about going “to the left, to the left,” but today is all about the right. No, not the state of being correct or, banish the thought, the political affiliation. I’m talking about the actual physical direction. As in turn to your right. Your other right, Brittany. Hey, not all the themes are deep. But they are hot. So without further ado, all righty then.

Piper Perabo
Monica Bellucci
Dita Von Teese
Janelle Monáe
Tilda Swinton
Kelly Clarkson
Katharine Hepburn
Juliette LewisWell, there’s always a contrarian.

p.s. Hey, tumblesbians. I’m always extremely, extremely flattered when you post my pictures. But, if possible, please provide a link back. Consider it old-school reblogging. In keeping with today’s theme, it’s just the right thing to do. Merci buckets.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Women in suits make me want to be bad. Really, really bad. Like sweaty, steamy, sticky bad. Like someone is going to lose a button, probably several, bad. Like, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning bad. You know, bad. Interestingly, Jane Lynch makes me feel exactly the same way, suit or no suit. Of course, the suit doesn’t hurt. Now, please excuse me. I have things to do – very bad things.

[Hat tip, @betternovembers for the Jane Lynch deliciousness]

BeyoncéDrew BarrymoreAmanda PalmerM.I.A.Maggie GyllenhaalKeira KnightleyCharlize TheronMichelle PfeifferFrankly my dear, I do give a damn. A hot damn.

My Weekend Crush

I like Beyoncé. Now, this isn’t a particularly revolutionary statement. It’s far from unique. Clearly, a lot of people like Beyoncé. She is only one of the biggest, hugest, super-duperest stars on the planet. She goes by the one name. She uses that accent over the é. Heck, she has even claimed the entire letter “B.” So what makes Beyoncé more than just another diva? Well, she just seems so nice. And grounded. And not on the verge of mental collapse. Unlike some of today’s other superstars, she has never – to my knowledge* – flashed her lady business around town. This is important. While I understand that sexy clothes are just part of the uniform, Human Anatomy 101 is not. (*OK, fine, but those seem like genuine accidents.)

Also, possibly most refreshing of all, she isn’t the size of a toothpick nor does she aspire to be small enough to fit through a keyhole. Is she fit and slim? Sure. But there’s a reason she can pull off those ridiculous moves – she has muscle. Heck, I even fondly remember her Destiny’s Child days. So whatever she is calling herself these days (Sasha/Ms. Fierce/Miss Knowles if you’re nasty), it seems that of all the things for girls to aspire to today, being strong, successful and sane seems like pretty good things to me. Also sometimes a girl just wants to dance. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Not to get all Kanye, but that was one pretty damn good video.

Weekend at Crazy’s

WTF, weekend? Seriously. Tina Fey wins an Emmy. Dr. Horrible wins an Emmy. Serena Williams threatens bodily harm with a tennis ball. Madonna stays classy. Kanye West does not. Lady Gaga is movable performance art. And Beyoncé is, quite possibly, magic. Whew. That is a lot of shit to process in just two days. That’s like a month’s worth of awesome/crazy/WTF. It’s like Saturday and Sunday exploded and we haven’t even talked about Kristen Stewart’s new dangerously Kate Gosselin-esque hairstyle. Madness, I tell you. MADNESS. So, naturally, I turn to ridiculously hot women to help me make sense of the world again. Nothing soothes quite like ridiculously hot women being ridiculously hot. Some of them might even qualify for Naked Lady Monday. Mmm, naked ladies… See, all better. [Click any to enlarge The Hot.]

Padma LakshmiFeel stupid for not watching “Top Chef” now, don’t ya?

Anna FrielGod, I miss Pushing Daisies.

Jennifer ConnellyRemember that movie “Seven Minutes in Heaven?” Set a timer.

Olivia WildeIs there such a thing as pantyline-high boots? There is now.

Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Grace ParkSci-fi is just for geeks, eh?

Lucy LiuI believe the correct words here are hummina-hummina.

Sarah ShahiQuite fittingly, the end.