Vacation Vixen: Tilda Swinton

Even the back of her head is fucking fascinating.

SGALGG: Gay Globes Edition

Whew, what a night. And by “what a night,” I mean I think only Tina Fey escaped without being hilariously insulted by Ricky Gervais. It was a night of super gay triumphs – “The Kids Are All Right,” “Glee.” Heck, Natalie Portman even gave Mila Kunis a special award for her “sweet lips.” All in all, it was a good night for Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. It was also a good night for Straight Gals and Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays and plain-old Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. The Globes really were gay.

SGALGG

Tilda Swinton & Helen MirrenThat hug makes me swoon in the deepest parts of my heart.

Tilda Swinton & Claire DanesTilda, you dog! Does Helen know?

Busy Philipps & Michelle WilliamsThey look like they were just telling each other secrets. Preferably naughty ones.

Amber Riley & Lea MicheleMerBerry?

Naya Rivera & Heather MorrisRyan Murphy, open your eyes.

Piper Perabo & Her PonytailThat’s 1,000 bonus gay girl points for Piper.

Tina Fey & Her NBC PromoShe called her friendship with Amy Poehler, “like Oprah and Gayle, only we’re not denying anything.”

Annette Bening & Julianne MooreThe way Annette is squinting and Julianne is crouching, it’s like they’re still in character as Nic and Jules.

SGGGALGG

Annette Bening & Lisa CholodenkoAnnette is so method, she’s even starting to experience lesbian twin syndrome with Lisa.

Angelina Jolie & Amy PascalEven the high-powered Sony Pictures Entertainment Co-Chairman is doing her best to make a pass at Angie.


GGALGG

Lisa Cholodenko & Wendy MelvoinI wonder if they shared their hair product with Annette.

Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThis is what a big scary gay marriage looks like, America. Tremble at its adorability.

Santana & BrittanyClearly they’re in character here. Later, they’ll practice scissoring.

For a full Golden Globes recap, check AfterEllen later today.

Lights, camera, acting

Sometimes we forget that acting is a craft, and a difficult one at that. Actors become celebrities and then who they’re fucking becomes somehow more important than what they’re portraying. But acting, that grand game of make believe wrapped up in the fabric of basic human truths, is difficult. And great acting, well, that’s something almost otherworldly. It is making something out of nothing. In fact, acting may be the most basic of arts – to create using only our bodies and brains. No paint, no clay, no music. Just emotion.

But, like I said, sometimes we forget that amid the razzle dazzle and the gaudy glitz that accompanies acting. So it’s nice when someone like the New York Times magazine reminds us once again that acting is indeed an art – and a thing of beauty. Like they did with female tennis players, the Times has crafted an amazing multimedia package featuring 14 actors acting. The magazine asked the year’s best actors to “show us — in a few gestures and with a few props but without dialogue or story — what acting is. And here they are, striking some of the classic attitudes of cinema, turning their bodies and faces into instruments of pure, deep and enigmatic emotion.” In less than 90 seconds, all of them manage to transport us somewhere and make us wish no one ever yelled, “Cut!”

A look at a few of my favorites. See all of them here:

Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”


Noomi Rapace, Millennium Trilogy films


Jennifer Lawrence, “Winter’s Bone”


Chloë Moretz, “Kick-Ass,” “Let Me In”


Tilda Swinton, “I Am Love”

I can’t stop watching Tilda’s. I don’t think she is human, and I mean that in the best possible way.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Red Carpet Attire

So in the last week or so I’ve noticed a lot of ladies showing up on the red carpet in full men’s wear. I’m not talking just a petite blazer over a pencil skirt, but a real formal suit. Obviously, I’m all for this. And, being driven by the unwavering pursuit of scientific excellence, my next step was naturally to conduct my own thorough research into this phenomena. And because no scientific finding can be verified without a thorough peer review, I present my findings to you. If science was always like this in high school, I would have become a nuclear physicist.

Leighton MeesterThis is a full-on traditional men’s suit. I approve.

Olivia WildeThis is a full-on traditional 80s suit. I disapprove.

Winona RyderThis looks like she stole it from Marilyn Manson’s closet. But, it’s Noni and she does an amazing job with her small but crucial part in “Black Swan.” So, um, forgiven.

Jane LynchThis looks like she stole it from the set of “Night at the Roxbury.” But, it’s Jane fucking Lynch. So, forgiven forever.

Julianne MooreFifty is the new OMFGHOWHOTISTHAT?

Christina HendricksThat thump you just heard was the sound of lesbians everywhere hitting the floor after passing out.

Diane KeatonLadies look good in white suits, too. Usually, better than men.

Janelle MonaeSometimes a lot better than men.

Tilda SwintonSometimes there is no gender, only Tilda Swinton.

Ellen DeGeneresHell, Ellen doesn’t even need a suit jacket. She already has the most beautiful life-size boutonniere you could ever want.

I think all these lovely ladies may have blinded me a little with their science. While I try to regain sight, tell me which of these specimens you find the finest. Science, it’s irrefutable.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Dude, I have been all serious issues are serious with my posts this week. I blame the switch to Daylight Savings Time. Dark skies, dark thoughts. So, I think it’s time again for a little unapologetic (yet respectful and, um, empowering) objectification. And you know my absolute favorite thing to objectify after Tina Fey and women in tank tops? Yep, ladies in suits. Those sharp tailored lines against those gentle swooping curves is just too delicious to ignore for too long. In fact, I feel terribly remiss for not having posted a GFT since, gasp, September. And here we are entering into the winter months and everything. So grab a nice warm jacket, preferably with a lady still inside it, and let’s wrap ourselves in some happy. P.S. If she has a kick-ass wristcuff like Isabelle Huppert above, all the better.

Evan Rachel WoodNormally I would always recommend wearing pants with your jacket, but not today.

Aubrey Plaza“Parks & Recreation” finally returns to NBC at 9:30pm Jan. 20, followed by “30 Rock” at 10pm. Amy & Tina are together again, plus more April, more Ron and more Pawnee! Whee!

Winona RyderIf you had a crush on Winona in the 90s and you know it, clap your hands.

Janelle MonaeIf I looked this good in a tux, I’d wear one every day, too.

Jennifer Jason LeighHey, Leighton and Minka, you’ve got nothing on this Single White Female (even though I don’t think she is actually single, but that ruins the joke).

Tilda SwintonObligatory.

Katharine HepburnEven more obligatory.

Wool suit season, welcome back.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Beyoncé may have emphatically sung about going “to the left, to the left,” but today is all about the right. No, not the state of being correct or, banish the thought, the political affiliation. I’m talking about the actual physical direction. As in turn to your right. Your other right, Brittany. Hey, not all the themes are deep. But they are hot. So without further ado, all righty then.

Piper Perabo
Monica Bellucci
Dita Von Teese
Janelle Monáe
Tilda Swinton
Kelly Clarkson
Katharine Hepburn
Juliette LewisWell, there’s always a contrarian.

p.s. Hey, tumblesbians. I’m always extremely, extremely flattered when you post my pictures. But, if possible, please provide a link back. Consider it old-school reblogging. In keeping with today’s theme, it’s just the right thing to do. Merci buckets.

Perfect 10

Now, to be perfectly honest, I’m normally somewhat opposed to the ranking of women solely by attractiveness. Very often, no good comes of it except scantily clad pictures of women in what will soon be sticky pages of a glossy magazine. Like I was saying, no good. But, in the spirit of representing all kinds of attractiveness, particularly from a gay sensibility, and in the spirit of listmaking, because who doesn’t love a list, I’m going to share my votes for uber hotties in this year’s AfterEllen.com Hot 100.

1. Tina FeyIf you don’t know the reasons by now, I’m going to have to assume you just haven’t been paying attention.

2. Lena HeadeyI cannot resist a sexy scowl. And no one scowls sexier than Lena, especially when she follows it up with that crooked little smile. I am a goner, baby goner.

3. Padma LakshmiIn one of my versions of heaven, I get to watch Padma lick food off her fingers for all of eternity.

4. Jodie FosterYour first lady crush is always your longest.

5. Kate WinsletI think, if at all possible, Kate keeps getting more exquisite with age. I expect add her to my personal Hot 100 from now until we’re all finally driving those flying cars we’ve been promised.

6. Olivia WildeI think Megan Fox’s greatest contribution to society so far has been the universal acknowledgment that Olivia is so hot that mountain oxen everywhere better watch the fuck out.

7. Meryl StreepSee my Kate Winslet reasoning, times 1,000.

8. Tilda SwintonWords cannot adequately describe why or how viscerally I am attracted to Tilda. Though if forced at gunpoint to sum it up in under two words I would have to go with “the hair.”

9. Jennifer BealsIn another of my versions of heaven, Jennifer bosses me around while wearing one of her Alpha Bette power suits.

10. Katie McGrathI don’t even really watch “Merlin,” but every time I happen upon it I have to stop and marvel at the unmitigated gorgeous that is Katie McGrath. She is my most recent obsession, rendering me weak and wobbly with her delicious pale skin, dark hair combo pack. Also, girl can handle a sword.

So, let’s see your lists. Objectification is so much more fun when you share the results. Don’t forget to cast your vote by Friday.