SGALGG: Gay Globes Edition

Whew, what a night. And by “what a night,” I mean I think only Tina Fey escaped without being hilariously insulted by Ricky Gervais. It was a night of super gay triumphs – “The Kids Are All Right,” “Glee.” Heck, Natalie Portman even gave Mila Kunis a special award for her “sweet lips.” All in all, it was a good night for Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. It was also a good night for Straight Gals and Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays and plain-old Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. The Globes really were gay.

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Tilda Swinton & Helen MirrenThat hug makes me swoon in the deepest parts of my heart.

Tilda Swinton & Claire DanesTilda, you dog! Does Helen know?

Busy Philipps & Michelle WilliamsThey look like they were just telling each other secrets. Preferably naughty ones.

Amber Riley & Lea MicheleMerBerry?

Naya Rivera & Heather MorrisRyan Murphy, open your eyes.

Piper Perabo & Her PonytailThat’s 1,000 bonus gay girl points for Piper.

Tina Fey & Her NBC PromoShe called her friendship with Amy Poehler, “like Oprah and Gayle, only we’re not denying anything.”

Annette Bening & Julianne MooreThe way Annette is squinting and Julianne is crouching, it’s like they’re still in character as Nic and Jules.

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Annette Bening & Lisa CholodenkoAnnette is so method, she’s even starting to experience lesbian twin syndrome with Lisa.

Angelina Jolie & Amy PascalEven the high-powered Sony Pictures Entertainment Co-Chairman is doing her best to make a pass at Angie.


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Lisa Cholodenko & Wendy MelvoinI wonder if they shared their hair product with Annette.

Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThis is what a big scary gay marriage looks like, America. Tremble at its adorability.

Santana & BrittanyClearly they’re in character here. Later, they’ll practice scissoring.

For a full Golden Globes recap, check AfterEllen later today.

My Weekend Crush

As the incomparable Mercedes Jones, Amber Riley brings her locomotive of a voice to our living rooms each week. Instantly sassy, irresistibly brassy, her Mercedes is a talent who refuses to play second fiddle, even when that’s all-too frequently the role thrust upon her. She said it herself: “I’m Beyonce. I ain’t no Kelly Rowland.” What Riley brings to Mercedes, besides those ridiculously perfect pipes, is a refreshing burst of confidence. On “Glee,” her presence speaks volumes without even using her voice. On a stage filled almost exclusively with slim starlets and six-packing studs, Riley is more of an everyteen (though in real life she is the crush-appropriate age of 24).

Her size became a subplot for a millisecond last season, but it does not define her. Instead Riley’s Mercedes is known for her confidence, strength, loyalty and – of course – that voice. I know this will be sacrilege to some, but I really loved her rendition of “Sweet Transvestite” in this week’s “Rocky Horror Glee Show” episode. Yes, it was silly they changed “transsexual Transylvania” to “sensational Transylvania.” No, she isn’t Tim Curry. But, lord, who is? Instead she gave it her own sexy stamp. Bonus points for using Brittany and Santana as backup dancers. I don’t know about you, but watching all three of them dance together is definitely good for relieving my tension. Happy weekend and Halloween, all.

SGALGG: Love your television edition

Look, I realize we’re all on a “Glee” high right now (congrats Jane and Lea for those Golden Globe nods – and Matthew, but mostly that’s just for your lesbian hair). But Lea Michele and Dianna Agron aren’t the only TV co-stars who can bring award caliber SGALGG. In fact, many a leading ladies get extracurricularly touchy feely with each other. Those long hours on the set between takes with nothing to do but hang out and look longingly at one another naturally leads to a lot of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals situations. It’s like they know we’re writing the femflash already, so why not help us along. I mean, how can you look at that picture and not know that Joan and Peggy were made for each other?

NCIS: Pauley Perrette & Cote de PabloThe T-shirt says it all.

Grey’s Anatomy: Kate Walsh & Katherine HeiglKatherine seems to be protecting her delicate areas. It’s like she knows Kate is, um, grabby.

Weeds: Mary-Louise Parker & Elizabeth PerkinsHand placement is everything.

The Vampire Diaries: Kayla Ewell & Nina DobrevThey really, really shouldn’t have killed off Vicki.

Gossip Girl: Michelle Trachtenberg & Leighton MeesterEveryone is all about Serena and Blair, but that look says little Dawnie has some plans of her own – naughty plans.

Damages: Glenn Close & Rose ByrneOK, it’s a little May-December, but think of the delicious power struggle that would ensue.

30 Rock: Jane Krakowski & Katrina BowdenFooled you by not using Tina, didn’t I?

Modern Family: Sofía Vergara & Julie BowenI hear they don’t get along on the set. But, clearly, that’s a cover to hide the sexual tension. Clearly.

Criminal Minds: Kirsten Vangsness, A.J. Cook
& Paget BrewsterGranted, Kirsten is a GG instead of a SG. But A.J. and Paget look incredibly eager to, shall we say, experiment.

Glee: Jenna Ushkowitz, Lea Michele & Amber RileyWhat, you thought I’d forget “Glee” entirely?

Glee: Jessalyn Gilsig & Jayma MaysCould you imagine if Terri and Emma hooked up instead? Best of all, there’d be no need to fake any sort of pregnancy.

Like I was saying, God bless television.

Bust a move

Oh, joy. Oh, happiness. Oh, GLEE! Good news Gleeks, your favorite group of singing misfits will return a week sooner than planned, on Sept. 9. This means only 42 more days until the all-singing, all-dancing, all-snarking fabulosity that is “Glee” returns to our televisions. It’s been a while since a program made me this unabashedly giddy with delight. I think the last one bordering on that was “Pushing Daisies.” And before that, probably “Wonderfalls.”

So what it is about “Glee” that hits my happy place? (No, not that happy place. That’s the “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” trailer) It’s clearly not just the singing. If that was the case I’d be watching Daniela Sea Zac Efron croon about shooting baskets and receiving naughty emails from Vanessa Hudgens. It’s the bite – the sharp, stinging bite that made the first episode such a wondrous thing to behold. Also Jane Lynch. Sweet fancy Moses, let there be more Jane Lynch.

Fox has released a new clip, and it is fan-fucking-tastic. In it, Mercedes (the divatastic Amber Riley) covers Jazmine Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows” and reveals a doomed love for the club’s resident gay boy, Kurt (Chris Colfer). Cock your shoulder and flex your attitude. Then press play. [If YouTube pulls this non-geoblocked clip, I’ll repost the official Hulu version.]

Besides just kicking all around ass (also, hello bikini-clad cheerleader backup dancers), this clip tells us that not all the numbers in the “Glee” universe will be relegated to the club’s performances. Neat! If any show can make breaking into spontaneous song smoking instead of silly, it’s this one. I replayed that clip three times in a row and it improved my mood tenfold.

So, are you ready? OK! Give me a “G!” Give me a “L!” Give me an “E!” Give me another “E!” What’s that spell? Hell fucking yeah, that’s what it spells.