Vacation Vixen: Naya Rivera

It’s been a whole week since Naya was crowned the new AfterEllen Hot 100 champion, so I just thought I’d check. Yep, still hot like fire. Proceed.

Hey, hotties

So the annual AfterEllen.com Hot 100 came out yesterday. In case you were living under some big lesbian rock (which happens, they’re rent controlled and surprisingly cozy), Naya Rivera won this year. I’m thrilled to little bits and pieces by this for several reasons. 1) She is hot, I know, I was standing mere inches from her two weekends ago. 2) She is gracious and wonderful to her fans, many of them rabid lesbian fans. And 3) She is doing a world of good with her nuanced, evolving portrayal of Santana on “Glee.” So big, fantastic, sloppy, possibly wet congratulatory kisses to Naya for her much-deserved win. I actually told her at the GLAAD Media Awards I was sure she was going to win and her reaction was almost verbatim her tweet yesterday about the news: “Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!” Who says “Oh my gosh?” Just adorable people, that’s who. What? Is my smitten kitten showing? Whatever, I’m on vacation starting tomorrow – professionalism can suck it.

But, of course, whenever there’s a list of anything (hotties, TV shows, humus recipes, paint thinners, etc.) you also have people complaining about whoever is on the list. “How could Person X not be on this list?!” “How could Person Y be on this list?!” “You are all nuts because Person Z should be the only person on this list 100 times, and then another 100 times because that’s how awesome Person Z is.” “Whatever, Person Z is fat.” Sigh.

I’ve discussed the sometimes problematic exercise of ranking women in the first place before. But I consider the AfterEllen Hot 100 voting to be a somewhat respectful objectification, more than just tawdry leering (fine, OK, there’s a lot of that, too). What I enjoy I enjoy most about it is not just looking at this list of beautiful women, but looking at this list of beautiful women who queer women consider beautiful. We can argue all we want about who is and isn’t on the list, but in the end we made the list. This was voted on by us. And that’s why I like it. I think us gay gals bring a different perspective that is all-too-often missing from the oiled-up bikini babes that tend to dominate other such lists. And, no, I am not bashing oiled-up bikini babes. Especially since I hope to see many when I’m near the beach in the very immediate future. Still it’s that variety, the nuance and the reasoning that always intrigues me about this very special list of 100 ladies each year.

The Top 10 this year is particularly interesting:

1. Naya Rivera
2. Heather Morris
3. Jessica Capshaw
4. Sara Ramirez
5. Olivia Wilde
6. Amber Heard
7. Shay Mitchell
8. Dianna Agron
9. Lily Loveless
10. Lea Michelle

I find this group fantastic because it says that what we love most in women this year is women who play gay, are gay or act gay with their best friend on Twitter (oh, Achele, you adorable teases). We think it’s beautiful when women allow us to see ourselves reflected through them – either through their real lives or their portrayals on screen. That’s an important thing to celebrate and acknowledge. We are very loyal to those who are good to us. One of the greatest struggles when you’re part of a minority group is to find yourself in the wider world. Where are the other people like me? How can I see my own life? Who will tell my stories? And these women have given us that, and that’s special.

We may disagree about who ranked where and when. We may argue about who should be higher and who should be lower. We may bemoan what kind of women got left off and what kind got let on. But, in the end, it’s just a list. What is important is that women – in all their forms, shapes, colors and ages – are beautiful. They all deserve to be on a list. And we, as women who love women, should feel great about the simple act of acknowledging our attraction and appreciation for them out loud. Sometimes, you’ve just got so say it. Damn, women are fucking hot.

Live Glee Girls

I’ll tell you one thing, you can’t say those “Glee” kids don’t work hard for their fame. They film an hour-long TV show, which in itself is a lot of work. But on this hour-long TV show they are also required to learn and sing songs, learn and execute choreography and, of course, learn and perform their lines each week. And then, when the season is over, they don’t get off to Aruba like most celebrities for three months of uninterrupted strawberry daiquiri sipping on a private island. No, instead they go out on tour for almost two months. And going on tour requires they sing songs, learn choreography and perform their asses off night-after-night in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of screaming fans. I hope these guys are getting paid overtime and then some because that is a lot more work than the average TV star puts into his or her profession. Oh, and did I mention the tour is also going to be turned into a 3D movie? Seriously, by the time they leave “Glee” I hope every single cast member has made enough money to buy his/her own private island.

“The Glee Live! In Concert!” (their exclamation points, not mine), kicked off on Saturday in Las Vegas. It’ll run until July 3 (ending with dates across the pond for you UK Gleeks). And already there are breathless reports from fans about who danced when to what. And video, lots of delightfully shaky, enthusiastically joyous video. And, because I care, I’m happy to share them with you without even charging a service fee.

Heather Morris, “Slave 4 U”

My life can now be split into two distinct categories: 1) Times when I am watching Heather Morris dance and I am happy, and 2) Times when I am not.

Naya Rivera, “Valerie”

She ran, backwards, in heels. Also, don’t think I didn’t see you checking out Naya’s ass there, Heather.

The Cast, “Born This Way”

Naya wore the Lebanese shirt. And black knee socks. And tiny, tiny, tiny shorts.

Right, so, clearly in the interest of supporting these hard-working actors and allowing them to continue to practice their craft, I must now buy a ticket to this show.

It’s about the appreciating the arts, people – not seeing those tiny, tiny, tiny shorts in person. Ahem.

GLAAD to meet you

[All images by Lydia Gonzales]

Waiting along a red (well, in this case blue) carpet rope line is a strange thing. You wait, and you wait, and then you wait some more. And then, all of a sudden, people you’ve seen on TV appear before you. It’s really quite bizarre. Like, hey, that’s Mario Lopez. Or, wait, is that Tabatha Coffey. And then your heart about stops dead in your chest because, oh my sweet heavenly God, IT’S NAYA FREAKING RIVERA.

But, I just might be getting ahead of myself. For those who don’t know, I covered the GLAAD Media Awards in San Francisco for AfterEllen.com over the weekend. Naya Rivera was the host and Sara Ramirez was a presenter. “Sex and the City” star Kim Cattrall and “The Kids Are All Right” director Lisa Cholodenko won awards. And I was there for the whole thing. I know, such a terrible gig.

So there I was with I’d guess about 20 to 25 other media outlets – some were photo services, some were for video outlets and many for online publications. Every outlet gets a spot on the carpet marked by one plain white sheet of paper. Luckily, not all the press showed up so my photographer and I didn’t actually have to squeeze ourselves into the size of an 8x10 sheet of paper. We had about two pieces of paper worth of space instead. (p.s. I took this crappy shot, clearly.)

As soon as one of the celebrities stepped on the carpet it was flashbulbs and the event publicist going down the line asking which outlet wanted interviews with which celebrity and then the celebrity’s publicist ushering him/her to each spot and then the celebrity smiling and answering a different variation on the same question X-number of times.

Right, but back to Naya. She came out relatively early, wearing a shimmering gold dress and some fierce, fierce matching heels. If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like the second Naya Rivera steps on a red carpet, it looks like this.

Sorry that’s so ridiculously short. I actually took it on accident, meaning to capture still photos. Clearly I’m no professional videographer, so forgive, well, pretty much everything.

A few male celebrities walked the carpet before Naya (including Mario and the cutie who won “Top Chef: Just Desserts”). But, let’s be honest, we were not there for the boys so we let them all pass. And then, then came Naya. Now, it’s a little intimidating to have the first interview of the day be The Big One. I’ll admit, I wish Lisa or Tabatha had been first to at least warm up my routine and get the bugs out. But, hey, I’ll take my Naya anytime, anywhere over not taking at all Naya. You know what I mean? Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

First things first, she shook my hand. Yes, that’s my hand. Yes, I thought temporarily about never washing it again. No, I’m not that crazy and unhygienic. Fine, I am that crazy but I’m not that unhygienic.

Second things not actually secondary, she was very warm and very gracious and very articulate throughout my interview. She also gave terrific eye contact. I got to ask her six questions (again, you can read them on AfterEllen later today), and then asked her to do a video shout-out to all her AE fans. When you see the video you’re going to laugh at its jitteriness because I couldn’t keep my hand from shaking for some unknown reason. Have I mentioned how gracious she was? I feel like I can’t use that word enough. Or the word hot. No, wait, that’s the one I can’t use enough.

And then, after I thanked her and she thanked me (I know, wait, what?), she was gone.

I’m not going to lie, after Naya all the other interviews seemed like a cakewalk. It’s not that they weren’t important, it’s just the nervous butterflies and sweaty anticipation were over. Also, I learned Sara Ramirez wasn’t going to walk the red carpet. News like that will bring down your buzz.

The rest of the night’s interviews went smoothly. Tabatha Coffey from “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover” was delightful. Also, she’s really tall. OK, I’m really short, but still, that one is a tall glass of lovely. And funny, too.

Lisa Cholodenko looked exactly like Lisa Cholodenko with her leather jacket and dark glasses and “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” hair. I asked her about that movie, by the way. And that other movie. And that thing that a lot of you didn’t like about that other movie.

And then Kim Cattrall walked the carpet last. She was there with her co-author and psychologist Michael Bader. You’ve got to hand it to her, brining a shrink to the red carpet isn’t the worst idea I’ve ever heard of. She was professional and took her responses seriously. Though she was seriously not taking it when the interviewer after me addressed her as if she was Samantha. The line between fact and fiction is a serious thing when you travel with a shrink.

And then it was time for dinner (chicken and couscous, if you must know). Naya came out wearing a new white dress and opened the show. Sara came out next and they hugged while passing on stage. I did not get a picture of the hug, to my eternal shame. But here they are together courtesy of GLAAD and Roxx Vodka.

[Image courtesy GLAAD]

You’re welcome, lesbians.

More people got awards, more people presented awards. There was an acrobatic performance by a very muscular man in very tiny underwear from Cirque du Soleil’s “Zumanity.” There were some video montages. There were some touching testimonials. All Things Digital founder Kara Swisher won the local hero award and was particularly impressive with her acceptance speech because she was both a) extremely smart and b) extremely funny.

Then Naya was back, first playing a game with members of the audience called “Glee Gone GLAAD” and then to auction off “sweet lady kisses.” For a second, emptying my 401K seemed like a perfectly rational decision given the circumstances. But, alas, I decided to do the fiscally responsible thing and other people (a guy and a gal – more on that at AE) won. Whatever. I’m not jealous.

And like that, the night was over. Well, not like that. We’d been there for more than six hours. And there was an after party that included booze and music and a few of the night’s celebrities roaming about freely. (No, not Naya, though apparently she did make a split-second appearance before being whisked away.) I tried to get Nelsan Ellis, that’s Lafayette from “True Blood,” to give me scoop about the upcoming season. He wouldn’t, but he was nice about it. And Tabatha continued to be a hoot and a half. Though being around her did make me feel a little self conscious about my hair. (Too many fly aways? Not enough product?) And then, then the night was really over.

Wait, did I mentioned I made Naya laugh during my interview? Yeah. Every once in a while it’s not so horrible being me.

Just a little patience

Kittens, my GLAAD Media Awards post is coming soon, I promise. I’ll have a personal account up here in a bit and an official report on the awards at AfterEllen.com a little later today as well. If you haven’t seen them already, peruse the eye candy I posted during the awards over at Ms. Snarker Regrets. And, until today’s posts go live, please enjoy Naya Rivera laughing at your impatience.

Lebanese for Life

Let us talk, for a moment, about the improbable wonder that is Santana Lopez. Who, in their wildest, craziest, naughtiest dreams, would have ever imagined that the super bitchy sidekick cheerleader would become the character undergoing the most personal growth this season? Who would have guessed that the apparent one-trick insult pony would become a complex, textured and ultimately incredibly interesting person whose story matters? Who would have thought, when we first met her of so many, many months ago, that Santana would be here? A closeted lesbian in love with her best friend and becoming the beard for a closeted football player while coming to terms with her sexuality. Or, as Santana herself put it: “The only straight I am is straight-up bitch.” If you said you knew all along it would come to this, my friend, you are totally lying.

But come to this it has and wondrous it is. While no show can have something for everyone, “Glee” has gotten pretty damn close. You’ve got the traditional straight love triangle couple (Rachel-Finn-Quinn), the unconventional couple (Puck & Lauren), the adult couple (Will & Emma), the Asian couple (Tina & Mike), the differently abled/differently intelligent couple (Artie & Brittany), the gay couple (Kurt & Blaine) and now even the beard couple (Santana & Karofsky). That’s a lot of crazy couplings.

But the couple we’re rooting for, against the odds and against expectations, is Brittany and Santana. Sure, we love how sweet Kurt & Blaine are together. Sure there are probably Team Edward/Team Jacob-worthy battles over Finchel or Fuinn (I’m guessing, I don’t know what the straight kids are into these days). And, fear not, I love me some Achele. But the Brittana arc is epic. It’s the kind of messy, not always pretty coming out that isn’t fit for just one very special episode. Is it Shakespeare? Heavens no. But it’s engaging and unexpected, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for almost anything Mr. Shue has done all season.

And while we’re at it, can we get an “Amen” and “Hallelujah” for the extraordinary work Naya Rivera has done this season as Santana. The ability to drop one liners and WTF faces is one thing, the ability to make us care and break our hearts is entirely another. Naya has given Santana scope. She isn’t just the girl who will cut you with her razor blade words or hair. She’s a person whose world has boiled over with the complicated brew of trying to figure herself out. It’s pretty fascinating and I can’t wait to see how it all plays out. But without Naya, it would be nothing. I know Lea gets all the big heartbreak ballads, but it’s Naya who has truly given this season its aching heart.

So thank you, Santana Lopez. You’re my favorite closeted lesbian/judgmental bitch. And while you might not be ready to eat jicama or get a flattop, just keep wearing that Lebanese t-shirt with pride. We’ll get you to an Indigo Girls concert yet, honey.

p.s. See the entire Brittana saga via locker scenes today over at Ms. Snarker Regrets.

p.p.s. Get your very own “LEBANESE” T-shirt here, courtesy Heather. The entire $2 Café Press markup will be donated to PFLAG. (Kurt would be so proud.) And get 15% off using the promo code “SPRUNG” through Thursday.

p.p.p.s. I really don’t have anything else to add, but isn’t Naya adorably evil in her Davy Crockett hat?

And a child shall lead them

Gay teens on TV are kicking the ass of gay adults on TV right now. Like, it’s a serious beat down. No contest. Throw in the towel, grownups. In the past week alone, lesbian storylines on “Glee” and “Pretty Little Liars” have struck a resounding chord with gay viewers young and old.

Watch Santana’s plaintive plea to Brittany: “Please say you love me back. Please.” Didn’t you flash back to the first time you handed someone your exposed heart and asked them to be gentle? Or look at Paige’s confession to Emily: “If I say it out loud, if I say I’m gay – the whole world is gonna change.” Remember when speaking those words seemed like the end of the world as you knew it?

These moments, these confessions – they’re as close to universal as it gets for the GLBT community. Sure, we all have differing ways out, ways in, first loves, last loves. But we’ve all had (or will have, youngsters, take heart) the first time we were finally brave enough to tell someone we loved them and hoped desperately they’d love us back. And we all had the worry that simply admitting our undeniable truth would change everything forever. And it did, but for the better.

The thing about the gay teens on TV right now – from Brittany and Santana to Emily and Paige to Kurt and Blaine and even poor dear Tea – is that, like it or not, their stories feel honest. They’re about discovery and heartbreak, confusion and acceptance. They’re not about just the static afterschool moment: See Jane. See Jane become gay. They’re about what it’s like day in, day out – especially at the start. There’s no perfect way to be gay or come out or understand yourself. Life has no script, yet we all still fumble our lines. So the complexity of their experiences, it’s important to see on TV. It helps people. It helps me even today.

Entertainment Weekly recently wrote about the gay teen revolution on TV and it’s true, there are more than before. But it’s not just that there are more gay teens on TV all of a sudden. It’s that there are more gay teens acting like real gay teenagers on our TV all of a sudden. This isn’t about sweeps month kisses or ripped-from-the-headlines storylines. They’re not just there to jazz things up for an episode or two. They’re in it, we hope, for the long haul.

Certainly, there have been good gay teen characters on TV before. Rickie Vasquez on “My So-Called Life.” Jessie Sammler on “Once and Again.” Willow Rosenberg on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Spencer and Ashley on “South of Nowhere.” And they’ve all made a difference. But to have so many right now, with so many varying experiences right, is kind of special.

The reason these teens are touching people, making a difference, mattering so much is because their stories are really everyone’s stories. When you’re older, truly universal moments are fewer and far between. We won’t all become pregnant lesbians (regardless of what TV writers seems to think). We won’t all become adoptive parents (or wear clown costumes at our child’s first birthday). We won’t all get married (or civil unioned, which, gosh doesn’t that sound romantic). We won’t all work for law firms or the FBI or cranky yet brilliant doctors. And unless I’m greatly mistaken about reality, none of us will become vampires. Sure, many of us will want those things (OK, perhaps not the vampire thing), but they won’t necessarily happen.

But aside from the tiny little difference of sexual orientation and the enormous difference of societal acceptance, we all – gay, straight and everything in between – go through adolescence. The teen experience will always be a more relatable. We all grow up. We all have firsts. We all stumble our way towards adulthood.

In the end, what we want from our gay characters – teen or otherwise – is simple. We want to see a little bit of ourselves, our lives, our loves. And, just as important, we want the world to see our lives and our loves and that in the end we really aren’t so different after all. Because if there’s one thing the entire universe can agree on, it’s that being a teenager sometimes really sucks. And then there are other times, even when it hurts, it’s beautiful.

Time makes you bolder

Glee gets so many things wrong. Continuity, consistent characterization, coherent plot progression, comprehensible Glee Club budgets. But when it gets things right, it gets them really right. And last night’s episode was all right when it came to gay teens. Not “all right,” like that pizza was all right – maybe I’ll have another slice. But “all right,” as in there was absolutely nothing remotely wrong with it. In fact, it may be one of my favorite “Glee” episodes ever because the characters were allowed to feel real emotions and have real conversations. This wasn’t about being quippy or snarky, but about how scary and exhilarating and painful it can be to examine the inner workings of your heart for the very first time.

This episode was a gift to gay teens, boys and girls. Kurt and his father’s frank talk about sex was something you don’t really see on American TV when it comes to straight kids, let alone gay ones. That confusion about figuring out what gay sex and sexuality is, that’s real – even in the age of the Internet. And then there was Santana’s heart-wrenching admission to both herself and Brittany that she loved her. These are two major gay storylines running in the same episode of a major primetime television show. This was a Joe Biden-worthy big fucking deal. Let’s be clear – this isn’t cable, this is broadcast. This isn’t a tiny show only the critics love, this is “Glee.” This is a program even your grandma knows exists.

I’m sure some of you are upset that Brittany turned down Santana – or at least turned her down for the time being. But that scene rang true – and that’s not something you can always say about “Glee.” It was a coming out – to oneself, to the person you love – that is like so many comings out. The trepidation. The confusion. The bravery. The vulnerability. It was the second please that said it all. When Santana finally put it all on the line: “Please say you love me back. Please.” That second please, that whisper, that prayer. It’s raw. Naked. Utterly defenseless. It’s the please we’ve all said before, a plea sent into the deepest depths of the universe. And if the answer isn’t “yes,” it seems the world simply cannot keep spinning. And if the answer is “yes,” but still somehow “no” – it seems like the world should go ahead and stop.

Certainly, you could argue that Brittany turning down Santana after it seemed all along that she was the one most interested in making their relationship something more was out of character. But to me it still felt honest. While not everything needs a label, if we must for the sake of expediency and clarity, I’d say that Brittany is probably more bisexual and Santana is probably more lesbian. But, again, what they really are is fluid, and that’s OK. There are gay men and lesbian women and bi men and bi women and trans folks and questioning people and everything else under the glorious rainbow in this big wide world. Showing the full spectrum isn’t problematic, it’s real life.

So then, Brittany saying she can’t be with Santana because of Artie also makes sense. She is already in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I have to like it and don’t not-so-secretly want to find a tall cliff to push him off of (his character, I’m not espousing actual homicide – yet). But she had made a commitment to him and doesn’t want to hurt him. My God, who hasn’t been on the receiving end of that speech? The important thing, the thing to cling to, is that Brittany loves Santana back. “I am so yours.”

Being gay can be really fucking confusing. If it’s not confusing for you, you’re lucky. It’s hard enough to find someone you love. And harder to find someone you love who loves you back. It’s even harder still when 90 percent of the planet doesn’t love the same way you love. And it’s hardest when you’re a teenager and you don’t know what it’s like to really love another person yet. So to see that struggle – not just about what it means to be gay, but what it means to be gay and lay your heart bare to another person – that matters.

Am I anxious to see how the writers handle Brittany and Santana’s relationship from here on out? Of course. I would be livid if they became yet another casualty of Glee’s gaping vortex of unresolved storylines. But I have to believe that the fact that they’ve even made it this far means there is more to come. Make no mistake, the fans made this relationship happen. I think the writers would have happily left them as a continuing in-joke. They would be a little sexy girl-on-girl aside to Kurt’s Major Gay Storyline, all caps. But Brittana fans demanded it, willed it out of love and tears and fanfic and endless hours on Photoshop.

Sure, I would have liked to have seen some sweet lady kisses in this episode, but to be honest, at this point I’d rather see complex processing of emotions. Yes, I realize that’s the most lesbian thing I think I’ve ever typed ever. But this just feels more like progress. And, never to be forgotten, are the wonderful, nuanced performances and tireless, wholehearted support of the actresses themselves. Naya Rivera and Heather Morris are the reason this ship left the dock in the first place.

Is this the happy ending we’ve been dreaming about? Well, clearly, no. But remember, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. This is just the beginning of Brittana.

[Every Brittana scene from last night. Get your Kleenex.]

p.s. On a lighter note, I’d like to personally thank Gwyneth Paltrow for coining a new euphemism for lesbian sex: Go forth and get your Stevie Nicks on, ladies.

SGALGG: Gay Globes Edition

Whew, what a night. And by “what a night,” I mean I think only Tina Fey escaped without being hilariously insulted by Ricky Gervais. It was a night of super gay triumphs – “The Kids Are All Right,” “Glee.” Heck, Natalie Portman even gave Mila Kunis a special award for her “sweet lips.” All in all, it was a good night for Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. It was also a good night for Straight Gals and Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays and plain-old Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. The Globes really were gay.

SGALGG

Tilda Swinton & Helen MirrenThat hug makes me swoon in the deepest parts of my heart.

Tilda Swinton & Claire DanesTilda, you dog! Does Helen know?

Busy Philipps & Michelle WilliamsThey look like they were just telling each other secrets. Preferably naughty ones.

Amber Riley & Lea MicheleMerBerry?

Naya Rivera & Heather MorrisRyan Murphy, open your eyes.

Piper Perabo & Her PonytailThat’s 1,000 bonus gay girl points for Piper.

Tina Fey & Her NBC PromoShe called her friendship with Amy Poehler, “like Oprah and Gayle, only we’re not denying anything.”

Annette Bening & Julianne MooreThe way Annette is squinting and Julianne is crouching, it’s like they’re still in character as Nic and Jules.

SGGGALGG

Annette Bening & Lisa CholodenkoAnnette is so method, she’s even starting to experience lesbian twin syndrome with Lisa.

Angelina Jolie & Amy PascalEven the high-powered Sony Pictures Entertainment Co-Chairman is doing her best to make a pass at Angie.


GGALGG

Lisa Cholodenko & Wendy MelvoinI wonder if they shared their hair product with Annette.

Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThis is what a big scary gay marriage looks like, America. Tremble at its adorability.

Santana & BrittanyClearly they’re in character here. Later, they’ll practice scissoring.

For a full Golden Globes recap, check AfterEllen later today.

A Glee Thang

I’ll admit it, I miss “Glee.” It’s like an hour-long vacation for the parts of my brain that process logic and rational thought each week. Instead it just stimulates the parts of my brain that like glittery and shiny things. So, yeah, I miss it. I like shiny things. Which is why I was so tickled to see the Funny or Die “Nuthin’ But a Glee Thang” video. It’s those adorably omnipresent Glee kids. And Sofia Vergara. And a blow-up Jane Lynch sex doll. And Heather Morris and Naya Rivera dancing together – closely. Enough talking, let’s cut to a music number!

OK, things I love.

1) Sofia saying “Comparing Jane with the rest of the cast is like comparing the Great Barrier Reef with a piece of dog shit. No offense, Heather. …. Heather is my favorite.” Also Sofia in a Sue Sylvester tracksuit. See, “Glee” fans and “Modern Family” fans can live together in peace.

2) Heather and her Jane doll. You could sell those and make a killing. I mean, I wouldn’t buy one. But other people. Yeah, other people.

3) HeYa together like this and like that and like this and uh. Also, when Heather says Naya and her are “like birds and bees” does that mean those birds and bees? Because, you know, thank you forever for that mental image.

Oh, “Glee.” I wish I knew how to quit you.

My Weekend Crush

Harvey Milk was right: You’ve gotta give ’em hope. Now, hope for shippers is an ephemeral thing. Here today, dashed tomorrow. Brittana fans have seen their hopes recently beaten nonsensically the big crazy rock that is Bartie (Barfie, more accurately). Wait, what? This Brittany and Artie thing is actually happening? I don’t. I can’t. Wait, what? Stop eating glitter, Ryan Murphy, and start making sense. But then Santana herself comes down from on high and gifts us with this.

Now, say what you will about the character of Santana (she is mean, she is promiscuous, she is calculating – and those are just the reasons I love her), but Naya Rivera has proven in her interviews and fan interactions to be a sweet, thoughtful and prodigiously talented young woman. She has encouraged and supported the LGBT fans who have showered love on the Brittana pairing. She has made no attempts to distance herself from the sexual fluidity of her character or her close off-screen friendship with co-star Heather Morris. She has even said that Brittany is really Santana’s soulmate, which seems to be apparent to everyone except the “Glee” writers themselves. Also, wow, is she ever easy on the eyes.

Granted, hoping two fictional characters on a television show where characters randomly break into choreographed song and hoping for full equality for all LGBT people may not seem on the surface like comparable dreams. But sometimes something small can matter in ways we can’t even quite understand ourselves. So thank you, Naya, for giving us hope. Thank you for making a million little lesbian hearts flutter with anticipation of your every cocked eyebrow, withering glare and intertwined pinkies. Thank you for your grace and your voice. We will keep dreaming about The Beckoning Finger and keep our fingers crossed for the rightful return of our favorite Queerios. Happy weekend, all.

Why don't you come on over

Now, the other day some of you seemed seriously perplexed at my lack of Brittana/Heya in the SGALGG co-workers post. But come on, kittens, you know I love me some Brittana. I mean I really, really love them. Like more than a person my age should. Like the breakdown of why I watch “Glee” is 50 percent Brittana, 40 percent Jane Fucking Lynch, 9 percent Kurt and 1 percent everyone else. Which, of course, is why this Brittany/Artie pairing (Bartie, or more accurately, Barfie) is starting to really piss me off. They make no sense – none. Brittany hit on Artie to make Santana jealous. Artie still likes Tina. Artie and Brittany have less than zero in common. Remember the no-no boobies finger? You only deny the ones you love. And how could we forget the intertwined pinky fingers? Never, that’s how. And then this episode gave us the all-powerful beckoning finger. Oh, Santana Lopez, what you can do with just one little finger.

[Hat tip, stace_ for finding The Beckoning gif!]

You know, I don’t expect a lot from “Glee.” I mean, I do I expect ridiculously elaborate musical numbers, out-of-nowhere character developments and the continued creepification of Mr. Shue. I watch it for fun and escapism and jazz hands, as I’ve said so many times before. But sometimes, just sometimes, I hope against hope that “Glee” can be more. It has done more, particularly with Kurt (though, come on guys, give that poor kid a boyfriend already). So why not let Brittana be that for the gals, too? Why force them into awkward and unnecessary straight pairings? I mean, Santana and Puck at least make a little sense. They’re both just hot and horny teenagers. But Brittany and Artie? That’s just a deliberate poke in the eye. Look, Ryan Murphy, I know you know that us gay ladies can be sustained on subtext alone for seemingly forever. We’re use to table scraps and sweeps month smooches. But that doesn’t mean that’s all you have to give us. We deserve more, so much more. Though, I am grateful for the ass slap.

Come on, Mr. Murphy, we’ve been very good this year. I think we deserve a big box of Brittana in our stocking this year.

SGALGG: Co-Worker Edition

It’s that time of year again for office potlucks and parties. That means hours of awkward socialization with your coworkers and watching your boss get sauced while hit on the receptionist. For the love of God, someone spike the eggnog so we can make it through the holiday season. But informal interactions with your colleagues doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable exercise in stilted small talk. In fact, it could be downright enjoyable. Of course, the level of enjoyability is greatly dependent on who your co-workers are. I mean, these co-workers certainly seem friendly. And when I say “friendly,” I mean like Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Let Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn, circa “She-Devil” “Death Becomes Her” (mixed up my late 80s-early 90s wacky Meryl Streep comedies) show you the way to workplace bliss. She ain’t heavy, she’s my co-worker.

Alison Brie & Gillian Jacobs, “Community”Alison tweeted that this was her preferred reading position. “Reading,” so that’s what the kids are calling it today.

Maggie Q & Lyndsy Fonseca, “Nikita”Lyndsy looks like she is blushing from Maggie whispering a passage from some particularly explicit Nikita/Alex fanfic she found online. What? I can’t be the only one who ships this, right? I mean, have you seen how many tank tops they wear?

Lena Headey & Summer Glau, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”Speaking of tank tops, this show was none too shabby about getting its stars in them whenever possible.

Emily Blunt & Amy Adams, “Sunshine Cleaning”Sure, they played sisters. But that body language isn’t sisterly. Just sayin’.

Blake Lively & Leighton Meester, “Gossip Girl”It’s the old “let’s compare hand sizes”-move. Nice.

Feist & Emily Haines, Broken Social SceneIndie Rock Goddess Powers activate.

Audra McDonald & Anne Hathaway, “Twelfth Night”So much Shakespearean swoon is happening in this picture, it almost needs footnotes.

Chloe Sevigny & Ginnifer Goodwin, “Big Love”Bill Paxton who?

Jill Biden & Michelle ObamaThey make a very nice couple. No, really, I mean that. That look Michelle is giving Jill says maybe she does, too.

Naya Rivera & Dianna Agron, “Glee”Quintana, is that a thing?

Dianna Agron & Lea Michele, “Glee”Now I know Faberry/Achele is a thing. And by “thing” I mean what I replace all Quinn/Sam or Rachel/Finn scenes with in my head.